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 vanny1961 |
hurtful incident at work |
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Posts: 343 (05/19/05 21:46:41) Member I |
I had an incident at work today that brought me to tears. We were coming out of a meeting and a co-worker said to me "I yawned so much my jaws hurt." And she and another co-worker walked away from me laughing.
It reminded me of the term "invisible disabilities". I just wish I could crawl in a hole some days and make this whole mess go away. |
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Cymy Sue |
hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 7276 (05/20/05 07:45:58) Senior Member
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Karen,
Being among people who don't know can be hurtful. People can't realize how bad it is when they don't see it or live with it. It's hard to work with other people who have obvious health problems or those that "something" is known about and these people are offered a little compassion & understanding. No one wants pity, but it would be a little easier if more people were better informed about TMJ problems and how we have to live and deal with it. For many years, I had to avoid laughing, to avoid added pain. One co-worker ask another, "Why I was mad all the time and barely talked to anyone". It makes you feel like you are invisable and completely alone, sometimes. It does hurt. Cymy Sue |
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Cheryl TMJ |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 5477 (05/20/05 08:53:49) Moderator |
Karen,
I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was a bad day and that your co-workers left you in tears. I know that it's difficult to do, but chalk it up to ignorance. The comments that I've heard through the years just amaze me. "Oh, you have the clicky jaw thing.........I have that too." (This being said while chomping on gum) Keep in mind that this came from a nurse that worked at the hospital in "recovery." It used to really get on my last nerve. Now, years later, I pity their ignorance. You know what truly amazes me? My Son's friends understand and are more sympathetic (showing him compassion) than most adults that I've talked to. He doesn't like to tell the kids of his problems, but the few "good" friends that do know "try" to understand. Cheryl |
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buffyjo |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 681 (05/20/05 09:01:57) Senior Member |
Hang in there Karen unfortunately these people will always be there .Even after two major surgeries i still get the ole
""oh you have TMJ" as if it's nothing and that bugs the heck out of me cause EVERYONE has a tmj i have a disorder in my TMJ .The best advice has already been given to you "Chalk it up to ignorance " and know that what you have is real . I hope today is a better day for you Hang in there Buff 
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vanny1961 |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 343 (05/20/05 16:48:38) Member I |
Thank you all for your kind words. I do know that people can be ignorant, and I need to be a little more thick-skinned. I have been gone from work a lot lately and think maybe I was feeling a little overly sensitive yesterday.
Karen |
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atibbert |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 658 (05/20/05 17:18:41) Senior Member |
I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. People can be so mean and ignorant. I thought this kind of stuff stopped once I got out of high school. I often find when people ask what my health problem is, and I tell them it is TMJ, I get this look like, Jeez, its only a jaw, how could that possibly be that bad. When people stop and think about all the things we do with our jaw without even thinking about it, maybe they would realize how bad it can be. Everytime we yawn, sneeze, talk, smile, laugh, swallow, or chew, we use our jaws. These are things we do every day and take for granted until these things make us hurt. It was a cruel comment made by clearly ignorant people. I wish every person who looks at us like we are over dramatic or big wimps could suffer this just one day and I am sure they would change their tunes really quick. It is easy to chalk it up to ignorance, but it still hurts. I find it deplorable that professional adults in the work place would even think to act this way. It makes me wonder what people say behind my back about my TMJ problems and pain.
I am sorry again for this added suffering. People need to be educated about TMJ. Amy |
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vanny1961 |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 343 (05/20/05 19:58:27) Member I |
I guess that is what I thought too Amy. This lady was brash enough to say something to my face - what are people saying behind my back. It just hurts my feelings I guess. (Grow up, huh?) I know I told my doctor a few weeks ago that I was losing credibility with my co-workers - it is a concern. Everyone wants to be considered "professional" and a "good employee". I don't know that people think that about me anymore, and after 17 years at the same place, it hurts.
Karen |
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atibbert |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 658 (05/22/05 07:47:11) Senior Member |
You do not need to "grow up". Feeling hurt is a normal response to this type of rude behavior and has nothing to do with your level of maturity. The person who did this needs to grow up! You did nothing wrong. As far as loosing crediblilty at work, that again, is not your fault. This is just ignorance of this horrible condition we suffer from. Maybe these folks need an education on TMJ.
Amy |
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desertdweller7 |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 223 (05/23/05 10:21:49) Member I |
I hate it when people say to me "oh yeah, I have TMJ too. When I chew too much I get sore for a couple days." I politely tell them I do not have that type of TMJ and explain to them about bone on bone rubbing and excruciating headaches due to everything being out of whack. They usually feel more sympathetic after that. I work with very nice people who care and ask me all the time how am I doing, what have I decided to do next. But I know people still don't understand.
Julie |
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teawoman |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Member
Posts: 75 (05/26/05 04:08:30) |
Hi My names judy and im from the Uk. People can be very hurtful. My face is lopsided because of my Tmj and they say things like keep your chin up. I know they are joking but it still hurts and I hate going out anywhere new or meeting new people. I have 0 confidence whereas when i was young I was a very confident outgoing person , it has changed my life completely. People just dont think when they say things (or dont care) I would never say anything to hurt someones feelings but alas not everyones like us. Take care Judy.
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Michelle Denise |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 6580 (05/28/05 13:22:49) Senior Member
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Vanny,
I also get my feelings hurt on a regular basis. I have had people in the past (like Cymy) tell me that I need to smile more, and that I always look mad. Recently, my sister, who is a hair dresser, told my sister-in-law that I was continuing to have problems. My sister-in-law actually asked me a couple of questions regarding my problems. I tried to be brief with my explanation, but I was trying to tell her what was going on. I actually thought for once she was taking an interest in me. I was so happy that she cared about me. I was telling her what was going on when she cut me off by saying, "Well I guess you aren't any better huh? Well, I got to go I have a customer getting ready to come in my place." I was devastated and cried when I got off the phone. I still wonder why she even asked, and this happened three weeks ago. I think what the hell was this about? 
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vanny1961 |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 343 (05/28/05 17:53:25) Member I |
That is too bad Michelle. My family is pretty good for the most part, although most of them don't have a clue as to the extent of problems this is causing me. I just don't see them much. It is not an easy thing to explain, and most of us don't have short explanations because there are no easy answers. I try to be brief too, but where do you even start? And I've seen several doctors - I think they think I am out of my mind. They don't understand how complex TMJ is, and they don't realize how there is no clear medical answer for it.
It is especially hurtful when our loved ones are insensitive though, I know that. (((((hugs))))))) Karen |
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Michelle Denise |
Re: hurtful incident at work | ||
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Posts: 6580 (05/29/05 11:04:24) Senior Member
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Vanny,
Thank you for the warm hugs. I hope in the future you find that your family and friends plus coworkers are more supportive to your needs. You always have us here at TMJ Talk. I have found everyone to be very supportive no matter how bad I feel. Someone can always relate to your incident no matter what it seems to be. Don't be shy about leaning on everyone here. You are always welcome. I hope better days are ahead for you. Take care, Michelle |
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