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No, I am not much better. This is one train wreck of emotion, not to mention the severe withdrawals I am still going through. I finally slept four hours last night. The first of any length for 12 days. I talked to a drug and alcohol counselor that I grew up with, the other night. He said they could have killed me. Detox off Heroin(Oxycontin) should be a slow process, like six months. They weaned me in 15 days. I have read so much on this detox stuff. It says most people can't do it on their own, can't stand the severe WD's and give up, go back on the drug. The doctor  called me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to go back on and taper more slowly? I guess you know what I told him. I said I have lasted 12 days, thinking I was going to die of a heart attack everyday and you have the nerve to worry about me after 12 days?  He also said my blood pressure was too high when I went to the doctor last time. I said that is what I told your BIMBO physician assistant. We ended not on good terms. Big deal, he could have ended my life.

I hope if you ever decide to come off this crap, you have a better doctor than I did. It is an ugly site, eats at your heart and soul. You feel like you are going to die and almost wish you would. The not sleeping, is the worst thing I have ever experienced. I will never go back on Oxycontin, no matter how bad I hurt. It is one wicked drug that shouldn't even be on the market. I am sorry but it almost did me in. It ate at the lining of my stomach to the point it hurt to eat. Doctors don't tell you the bad stuff, only that it will help with your pain. My brother's best friend just died from taking Oxycontin and drinking with them. It ate up his pancreas. 60 years old. He died in November.
Elaine

Just a post on oxycontin I wanted all of you to see.
http://www.drugs.com/answers/best-al...ay-387591.html

This gal has the guts to "try" to do what I did. It is so hard but if you are determined it can be done. I always said there was something weird about the new Oxycontin they came out with and this gal agrees. Of course the reason for the new filler is so it can't be abused like the other. It turns to glue if someone were to try to shoot it up. At least that is what I was told when I asked about the new version of Oxy in August. All in all still a wicked and ugly drug.
Elaine

Well to be exact, I am now on day 96 of being off the Oxycontin.  Counting days, seems like a long time, compared to it has only been a little over three months. I never in my life, would have ever dreamed the withdrawals could hang on like they do. The doctors all said after the first five days I would feel better. It took a month before I quit the shaking, freezing, sweating, etc. If that is feeling bettter after five days, they are nuts.  The worst things right now are the no sleep, nerves on end to where you feel like you have just been scared to death. I don't shake but I feel like I am shaking from the inside out. The no sleep disaster persists. In a previous post I told about taking three Doxepin one night and what happened with that. UGGH. Night before last I decided to just take one Doxepin as I have had no sleep to speak of, other than about three hours a night. Took the Doxepin at 9PM and slept like a rock till midnight. Had such a nightmare from it, that when I woke up, my blood pressure was through the roof. So I took a Clonadine which they gave me for high blood pressure and withdrawals. I managed to sleep off and on the rest of the night but woke up a groggy mess. The grogginess didn't wear off for over 24 hours. Several people have been trying to help me with different information and I thank them for that. They have been a godsend to me. I know I am not crazy, although at times I feel like I am. They are telling me that others who have come off this same drug, who have been on it as long as I have, (7 years) that it can take six to nine months to feel normal again. Now if anyone wants to say that Oxycontin is a safe drug, I beg to differ. I am a pretty strong person but this drug has about done me in. I keep telling myself, I made it three months, that it has to end soon, but each day, at this point.... all seem the same. I am just a bundle of nerves and I can't stand that part of it. I can now see why some people go back on the drug because they can't stand exactly what it is doing to me. I have made it this far and I am not going back but again, I can understand why some people do.
I realize this is not an uplifting post, but if anyone wants to know about true Oxycontin withdrawal, I am living it.
Elaine

Guess I should update since it has been awhile since the last post. July 1st, I will have been off all drugs for six whole months. What a long trip this has been and one I don't think I could ever put myself through again. I didn't sleep at all to speak of for months other than a couple hours here and there. That was so tough as I was like the walking dead. Wired but tired as heck if that makes sense. My dad died May 29th and I don't know what happened but I started sleeping five to 8 hours after that. The jitters seem to be slowly going away a little more. The first five months it shot my blood pressure so high that had a hard time getting on the right blood pressure pill to keep it down. Still dealing with blood pressure but finally getting a hold on it. I was scheduled for a sleep study but when my dad died, I decided that was not the time to go in for a sleep study.
Still dealing with a nagging cough that won't seem to go away after having pneumonia. Don't know if I have allergies or if it is still inflamation from the pneumonia. Lots of people I know have this stupid cough and it hangs and hangs. I wonder if it is something in the air as no one has a cold, just the cough. Anybody got an idea of what it might be? Really makes my lungs hurt and I have had two breathing treatments that seemed to help the cough for a couple days then it starts again. Weird???

Now that I am off the drugs, I still have pain but in differerent areas. Instead of my low back hurting where  I had the fusions, it has switched to the thoracic area. I know I have bad discs in there too but tough. I will learn to deal with it somehow. No more pain meds for me. The trip back from hell has cured me. I think the devil had a hold of me and for awhile there I thought he "might" win.  I feel like I might live at this point. Few months ago......I wondered.
Love,
Elaine